Welcome to...
The Best Page in the Universe

This page is about me and why everything I like is great. If you disagree with anything you find on this page, you are wrong.

FAQ Hatemail Images Archive News Store Stats

Am I right or what?

Update (12-05-11): I was on KATU, Channel 2, in Portland recently:

Update (12-02-11): "In his nauseating new book, I Am Better Than Your Kids, Maddox spends 300 pages being an asshole." -Willamette Week. Read all about how shitty my book is here.

New updates every day for the month of December:

Math doesn't suck, you do.
(Updated: 01-03-12)

The most overrated sandwiches in America.
(Updated: 11-30-11)

I hate Sasha Grey.
(Updated: 11-21-11)

A message to cops.
(Updated: 10-16-11)

The vegetarian asshole test.
(Updated: 09-01-11)

Animals are people (that we can eat).
(Updated: 04-25-11)

Worth a thousand words: a photoblog (April Fool's '11).
(Updated: 04-01-11)

I stopped childhood obesity, cholera and arson this weekend. What did you do?
(Updated: 12-07-10)

Not everything is epic, shitheads.
(Updated: 11-16-10)

The Best Show in the Universe: Episode 03 - Tables won't say "no."
(Updated: 09-27-10)

The Best Show in the Universe: Episode 02 - Make the choice to suck less.
(Updated: 08-26-10)

The Best Show in the Universe: Episode 01 - YouTube Kids.
(Updated: 07-29-10)

Safety tips for kids! (April Fool's '10)
(Updated: 04-19-10)

I hope I get swine flu.
(Updated: 08-24-09)

Quantum of Solace is a shitpile.
(Updated: 12-25-08)

Nobody cares if your puns were intended.
(Updated: 05-31-08)

Vague Genre Movie (April Fool's '08)
(Updated: 04-01-08)

Fashion tips for women from a guy who knows dick about fashion.
(Updated: 10-29-07)

The iPhone is a piece of shit, and so is your face.
(Updated: 07-16-07)

9 things I learned about the world from anonymous stock photo models.
(Updated: 04-30-07)

Unfastened Coins: Titanic Conspiracy (April Fool's '07)
(Updated: 04-01-07)

One thing PC users can do that Mac users can't...
(Updated: 03-05-07)

I'm tired of Sony's bullshit.
(Updated: 11-13-06)

There is no 9/11 conspiracy you morons.
(Updated: 07-27-06)

I am a genius, you are not.
(Updated: 05-06-06)

How to spot a pedophile.
(Updated: 02-10-06)

Idaho blows.
(Updated: 11-08-05)

I just wanted a video game, not eternal damnation in hell.
(Updated: 07-21-05)

If these words were people, I would embrace their genocide.
(Updated: 07-06-05)

Star Wars Episode III: a steaming pile of Sith.
(Updated: 05-31-05)

I hate Cameron Diaz.
(Updated: 05-17-05)

Unintentionally sexual comic book covers.
(Updated: 04-11-05)

The most expensive $94 Orbitz will ever make.
(Updated: 03-09-05)

If you're too much of an impressionable idiot to watch "Sideways," then don't.
(Updated: 02-17-05)

The eleven worst songs of 2004.
(Updated: 12-29-04)

Ben Stiller should star in every movie.
(Updated: 12-21-04)

How to kill yourself like a man.
(Updated: 10-27-04)

If you work for Websense, you aren't reading this.
(Updated: 09-13-04)

"I, Robot" in a nutshell.
(Updated: 07-27-04)

Video games you'll never play.
(Updated: 07-13-04)

Intellectual property theft? Don't worry, Detective Dipshit is on the job (new hate mail).
(Updated: 07-07-04)

Five shitty movies that everyone loves.
(Updated: 06-16-04)

A few suggestions to help make CompUSA a better store.
(Updated: 05-31-04)

You're not Dave Chappelle, and you're not funny.
(Updated: 05-11-04)

Looking for a safe stance on abortion? Me neither.
(Updated: 04-26-04)

How do you dumbasses manage to breathe?
(Updated: 04-05-04)

One of the Better Pages in the Universe
(Updated: 04-01-04)

Cancel the 2005 Academy Awards, the contest is over.
(Updated: 03-23-04)

Astrology is bullshit. Astrology is bullshit. Astrology is bullshit.
(Updated: 03-10-04)

Attention women: until your farts start smelling like cinnamon buns, quit bitching.
(Updated: 02-24-04)

Bill O'Reilly is a big blubbering vagina.
(Updated: 02-07-04)

Garfield sucks.
(Updated: 01-26-04)

Racism and scat, a powerful union (new hate mail).
(Updated: 01-04-04)

Phrases that make my blood boil.
(Updated: 12-22-03)

A tribute to real men.
(Updated: 12-08-03)

Oops! You're racist.
(Updated: 11-18-03)

The Matrix: Revolutions is boring and shitty.
(Updated: 11-10-03)

(Updated: 11-03-03)

Finally: the reason I'm such an asshole revealed (new hate mail).
(Updated: 10-19-03)

How to render the Segway obsolete.
(Updated: 10-16-03)

McDonald's new ad campaign is an anagram for "ailing vomit."
(Updated: 10-06-03)

Going to Thailand? Don't forget your jackass discount card.
(Updated: 09-30-03)

Ikaruga: a modest review by a modest man.
(Updated: 09-08-03)

Things Elizabeth Smart could have done to escape her captors.
(Updated: 09-01-03)

Not sure if you're an idiot? Play it safe and don't send me email (new fan mail).
(Updated: 08-25-03)

How is it possible that a guy with a small penis and a hairy back is more powerful than Pepsi on the Internet?
(Updated: 08-18-03)

We know you're a cranky bitch, you don't need the bumper sticker.
(Updated: 08-05-03)

Proof that wealth can't buy class: the top four ugliest cars on the road.
(Updated: 07-21-03)

Take your X-TREME marketing and shove it.
(Updated: 07-07-03)

A shampoo recommendation for cry-baby pussies (new hate mail).
(Updated: 06-30-03)

Christopher Reeve is an asshole.
(Updated: 06-24-03)

My balls are huge.
(Updated: 06-16-03)

Four things that could have improved The Matrix: Reloaded.
(Updated: 05-23-03)

Would you like to bomb Iran?
(Updated: 05-05-03)

It's a dumbass marathon (new hate mail).
(Updated: 04-20-03)

Twenty-six things a perfect guy would do, and other propaganda disseminated by misguided women.
(Updated: 04-03-03)

Wireless internet may very well destroy our chances of contacting intelligent life.
(Updated: 04-11-03)

Who would make a better president: Bush or a box of Tic-Tacs? An objective analysis.
(Updated: 03-16-03)

How to become an obnoxious internet cam whore in five easy steps.
(Updated: 03-03-03)

I wonder if Jenny Jones can come up with a topic that rhymes with "canceled."
(Updated: 02-27-03)

Two characters that were missing from the new Daredevil movie.
(Updated: 02-18-03)

How to win the war and make big savings.
(Updated: 02-15-03)

Why change your car's oil when your girlfriend can do it?
(Updated: 02-09-03)

Greeting cards you wish you could buy.
(Updated: 02-01-03)

Bush: making political satirists obsolete since 2000.
(Updated: 01-28-03)

How to piss off credit card companies and get away with it.
(Updated: 01-17-03)

Hollywood: still out of ideas? How about another black-guy-meets-white-guy comedy?
(Updated: 01-13-03)

Read these classics or go to hell.

More crappy children's art work.
(Updated: 10-04-02)

I am better than your kids.
(Updated: 06-17-02)

Love your kids? Prove it by beating them.
(Updated: 09-02-02)

The movie "Signs" in four easy steps.
(Updated: 08-11-02)

Five things that sucked about Lord of the Rings.
(Updated: 01-13-02)

Is your page good enough to bear the coveted
"Best Damn Web Page In The Universe"

Do you rule enough?

Click on the icon for details on how you too can obtain the honor of being on my list.

Pirates Rule

Here are some pages that don't suck:

Holy shit! I'm on Facebook.

My page from 2003 (It kicks ass)
My page from 2002 (It kicks ass)
My page from 2001 (It kicks ass)
My page from 2000 (It kicks ass)
My page from 1999 (It kicks ass)
My page from 1998 (It kicks ass)

The Best Store in the Universe
HOLY SHIT! The Alphabet of Manliness is the best book ever written!
My book also available on Barnes & Noble. Believe it.
The saddest caveman in the world.
Cyanide & Happiness comics
Bored? Learn Chinese. I did.
The Official Ninja Webpage: REAL Ultimate Power
Driven By Boredom

Fan Sites:

The Best Fan Page in the Universe

More links...

225,753 people think I'm right about everything.

Do you like my page? If not, eat me.


This page was made using vi in unix. Anything else is for failures.

© 1996-2011 by Maddox