Your a fuckin idiot. If you hate how Americans are pissed about
Illegal Mexicans or any others taking our jobs, then why don't you take
your loud mouthed, appeasing ass down to Mexico and fight the good fight
with those Wetbacks? Oh, I'm sorry, That was Racist, but I guess I am,
so all those Spics, Gooks, Nips, Russians, Sand-Niggers, and any other
fuckin foreigners come here and decide to take our job for less money
even though they don't belong here, they can kiss my ass and lick my
balls. And just for you, I will leave a spot right in the middle and
forget to wipe ya dumb fuck.

It's time to deduce the obvious conclusion with Professor Maddox:

I don't understand how anyone can disagree with my position on illegal immigrants. Do I have to spoon feed the conclusion to you retards? It's obvious that if you force companies like WalMart to pay illegal immigrants the same wage as Americans, then they have no incentive to hire them over citizens. Even you racist pieces of shit can agree.

I USED TO LOVE KICKING THE SHIT OUT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE FAGS LIKE YOU BACK IN
COLLEGE. I HAVE A QUESTION THOUGH HAVE YOU EVER FUCKED A "GIRL" THAT WAS UNDER
200 POUNDS. I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT PUSSY BOY SOFTWARE GEEK THAT YOU SUCK
OFF UNDER YOUR CUBICLE. I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD WRITE THIS EMAIL YOU MIGHT
HAVE YOUR POSSE OF KLINGON WARRIORS SHOOT INVISIBLE LASERS AT ME. BY THE WAY
DOES YOUR MOM KNOW YOU HAVE THIS SITE. SHE'S NOT GONNA TAKE YOU TO THE STAR
TREK CONVENTION NEXT YEAR IN DENVER IF YOU KEEP THIS UP YOUNG MAN. WELL IT WAS
NICE EMAILING YOU. KEEP SUCKING DICK MAYBE SOME DAY YOUR DAD WILL ACTUALLY PAY
YOU FOR IT.

Seven sixteenths of one inch:

You know what the best thing about knowing that the nerds you picked on will always be more successful, have hotter girlfriends, a home that doesn't have wheels, and a stock portfolio with numbers larger than you can count is? Doesn't matter, get me a coffee.

Date: Tue, 14 Oct 2003 01:58:05 -0600 (MDT)
From: maddox <maddox@xmission.com>
To: Janine L. <######>
Subject: Re: Lonely Bitter Man

I was abused as a child and the way I cope is by expressing myself
through my writing. Please be more understanding :(

The response I got was:

Date: Thu, 16 Oct 2003 16:50:33 -0700
From: Janine L. <######>
To: maddox@xmission.com
Subject: Re: Lonely Bitter Man

I'm sorry to hear about that maddox. I agree that writing helps express
anger, but I don't think you should go and take it out on other people, more
over encourage other people to abuse their kids. Your writing is funny and
all, but I didn't expect that the issues you write about is personal. Sorry
to hear about it. Anyways, this is just personal opinion. Take care.

To which I replied:

Date: Thu, 16 Oct 2003 22:36:32 -0600 (MDT)
From: maddox <maddox@xmission.com>
To: Janine L. <######>
Subject: Re: Lonely Bitter Man

Just kidding. Tool.

Receiving thousands of emails from slow-witted boorish morons can be amusing sometimes.

Pothead pukeboy run out of material or are you just having an episode of
substance induced stupidity? See...writing is easy, you asshole.
It was all cool till you picked on a paraplegic that has nothing left in
his miserable existence but desperate clinging to a fantasy that he can
help others. All this while he simultaneously fantasizes that his wife is
still faithful...yeah right.
Maybe he actually can help.
You are not funny here.
The real you shows.

Oh poor guy, booo hooo hooo! He has nothing left in his miserable existence. Except for the millions of dollars he'll command in sales and donations from the two book deals he got since his accident, the publicity from going on hundreds of tours and public talks, and a jump start to his dead career with possibly more opportunities rolling in after his accident than before (let's face it, when is the last time you saw a Reeve film that didn't involve him wearing spandex?). On top of that, he gets blind praise from millions for an accident that occurred to him while he was riding his trained thoroughbred horse, after having lived the better part of his life as a handsome millionaire, who has been sought after by millions of women and probably a good chunk of men. Not to mention the best medical treatment in the world in addition to the financial resources to continue the best physical therapy after the accident, a luxury not available to most other paralysis victims. The fact that you think he has nothing to look forward to just because he's a cripple is not only insulting to him, but all people with paralysis, which is infinitely worse than the assertion I've made. Nice job, you insensitive cock.

You're right though, other than a Grammy award for his audio recording of his best selling book, 5 emmy nominations for his directorial debut, Golden Globe Award nomination, and Screen Actors Guild Award for "Best Actor," he hasn't had anything to look forward to since his accident, right dipshit? I'm sure all of the awards were given to him for his talent too, despite the fact that he had the same talent before the accident and starred in 19 movies since the last Superman movie in 1987 without winning so much as a Golden Raspberry award (unless you count the "Young Artist Award" he received in 1996; with recognition like that, people must have been beating his door down to get him to star in their movies).

Hey "Sea Otter Steve," I have some advice for you: try being less of a cry-baby pussy from now on; it makes you sound like a bitch. Also, lose the "Sea Otter" part of your name, it sounds stupid. So does your last name now that I think about it. Here's an idea: try throwing in a few vowels in there, Mr. "I'm Sea Otter Steve, too good for vowels." Also, since you like to piss and moan so much, I have a shampoo recommendation for you:

Give it a shot, it might help you stop being such an enormous cry-baby suck-ass pussy. The scary thing is, I know that in the back of your mind a small part of you hoped that this email would make me "see the light" and cause me to take my page down. Way to fuel the fire.

Idiot.

P.S. You should do a section on how stupid people can make websites
insulting the world from their home while regularly taking breaks to
masturbate to internet porn. Or about dumb fucking webmasters you think
they’re super internet pimps because they can hide behind their
computer and never actually take responsibility for their actions.

I like to consider myself a reasonable man. For example, when someone sends me hate mail from their work account, I reply and explain to them why it's a bad idea for them to continue to harass me.

Case in point: I received this email from some guy (who I will refer to as Chump Change going forward) yesterday. I warned Chump Change that it was a terrible idea to send me hate mail from his work account, because I'm sure his employer wouldn't want to convey the image that his company employs dipshits. Chump Change disregarded my warnings and continued to email me, so I've posted his address (update: address has since been removed). I sure hope his employer doesn't find out, because it would be a damn shame if Chump Change got fired for screwing around on the job.

Now as for his email: Chump Change claims that I enjoy "ripping on people" who I "envy"? I replied to this email and found out that he makes $6,000 less than I did at the age of 21, and I don't even have a degree. What exactly am I envying here? Your Bachelor of Arts degree in Business? Wow, impressive; way to challenge yourself Chump Change. I did a bit of research and found out some of the classes that are required for graduation in "Business" at Colorado University:

Business Computing Skills

Profiles in American Enterprise

Introductory Finance

Business Statistics

I'm sure it was quite an accomplishment to pass "Business Computing Skills," no really, it must have been very demanding having to learn how to use Microsoft Office, right up there with other lofty challenges like learning how to zip your fly without getting your dick caught. Tell you what, I'll teach you this course free of charge. In fact, I can teach you the entire course by using only two keystrokes; be sure to take notes! Ready? Here it is: F1 (press it to bring up the help menu). Damn Chump Change, you should have asked me first, I could have saved you thousands of dollars teaching you how to use programs that require little more than bashing your head on the keyboard to operate, dumbass.

Then you have "Business Statistics," or as I call it, a "math for morons" course. The lowest common denominator of math class is a "business" math class, where you learn a shit-load of nothing. I'm sure you'll have no trouble landing an exciting job in Real Estate Appraisal with those credentials. Your dad, who I'm sure probably paid for your lazy unmotivated dumbass to get through college, must be proud. Stand tall Chump Change, you've managed to do what only a few hundred million other people are able to do every year:

I don't get it; how can you jackasses call me a "coward" by posting on my website? Did you not notice the picture of me on the main page? What exactly am I hiding from? I get recognized in public all the time, don't you think that if I was afraid that I wouldn't post my badass pirate picture on the internet for millions to see? Then you claim I have no life? News flash: I only update about once a week. I work a full time job and go to school (I'm near completion of a major that requires more than a pulse to graduate from), and I update this site IN MY SPARE TIME. When is the last time a few million people gave a shit about anything you wrote in your spare time, other than having your email posted on my site (which I'm sure will be the highlight of your boring life)?

In a desperate attempt to sound smart, Chump Change wrote this in another email:

"I think you are a puppet of our pop-culture views of wit and talent."

Oh really? First of all, you make the assumption that anyone other than you shares your opinion of what "wit" and "talent" are. Ignoring the fact that this assumption was pulled out of your ass, you think that I'm a "puppet" of "views"? How exactly can one be a "puppet of views," dipshit? It doesn't even make sense you dolt.

In closing, Chump Change has made a special request. He would like to know the answer to the following question:

"Why would I get hate mail if you posted MY hate mail on YOUR site?! Dumbass"

Update: Chump Change broke down a record 20 minutes after this email was posted (after he received a flood of hate mail), and asked that his email address be removed. I'm a reasonable man, so his name and email address have been removed, with this final note:

"Maddox, I am sincerely apologetic... Please please take it down. If you any shred of decency please. This is all wrong. Please take it off."

Here's the disclaimer if you want to send me hate mail (Note: I decide what's hate mail and what's not):

Disclaimer:

By sending me hate mail, you acknowledge that I own all rights to the entire contents of your message, any images sent with the message, your email address, your house, your car, your first born and your soul. Furthermore, you agree to make your email address publicly available on this or any other web site, and you accept my views and opinions as being right regardless of anything. Furthermore, you agree that it is okay for me or anyone else to slander and/or libel you on this or any other web site, in public, at your place of employment, or anywhere else in this or any other universe and/or dimension. Know that sending me hate mail is a request for character defamation, endless belittling and excessive mockery. You may not sue me for any reason, ever, and this disclaimer is subject to change without notice, and you are still subject to the rules regardless of any changes made. If you do not agree with these rules, then don't send me hate mail.

Oh, and by the way:

go away.