People Hate Me!

The following is hate mail that I've received from people who think I'm an asshole. All hate mail is unedited and presented in its entirety, unless noted otherwise. Go here to read my first hate mail that later spawned a page about Helen Hunt out of spite.

Hate mail:

More new hate mail

Date: Fri, 20 Dec 2002 10:23:52 -0800
From: PETA Correspondent <>
Subject: response requested

Thank you for contacting PETA about animals killed during grain harvesting.
While it is true that animals are killed during harvesting, there is a lot
more to this story than meets the eye. First, we, and animals rights
advocates in general, are primarily concerned with preventing the suffering
of living animals. While millions of animals are killed each year in the
harvesting process, millions of animals suffer EVERY DAY in the meat
industry. BILLIONS of animals are tortured and slaughtered for food every
year in the United States alone. All of these animals being raised for meat
eat grain. In fact, they consume more than half of all of the grain produced
in this country. If the population of the United States were vegetarian, we
would actually require LESS grain, and thereby kill fewer animals during
harvesting. When you eat meat, not only are you contributing to the
suffering of the farmed animals, but you are also contributing to the
majority of the animals killed during harvesting.

If you have a moment, I'd like to know in which restaurant you saw this
"Guiltless Grill" menu section. Thanks again for your message. We appreciate
the opportunity to discuss this important issue.


Cliff Kaminsky
PETA Correspondent

*Note: I have never contacted PETA. Someone sent my guiltless grill article to them and PETA decided to contact me instead.

PETA stands for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. Let's ignore for a moment that their name implies there exists a universal set of ethics, and instead let's focus on the meat of this email: PETA is "primarily concerned with preventing the suffering of living animals." Oh really? As opposed to preventing the suffering of dead animals? Good thing they clarified because I was confused and couldn't infer that when they said "animals" they didn't mean dead animals. Glad we have that cleared up, let's move on.

So what exactly constitutes as "prevention" of animal suffering? The moral vegetarians (not the ones who do it for religious or health reasons) love to chant "we're trying to limit the suffering." What the hell does that mean? If you eat wheat or soy, you're not limiting anything. Unless you plant, grow and pick your own crops, you're not doing everything you can to "limit" the suffering. You know deep down that you could help limit a whole lot more suffering, but you've chosen not to. You've chosen not to because your lifestyle is too convenient, and you'd have to give up too much, but nevermind that--you have a conscience to feel good about, and you can't let a little thing like millions of violent deaths of field animals get in the way of your moral trip.

Limit the suffering? That's like me saying I'm going to eat meat only 364 out of 365 days of the year in an effort to "limit" the suffering, I'm doing my part to prevent suffering. "BUT MADDOX, YOU COULD LIMIT A LOT MORE SUFFERING BY NOT EATING MEAT AT ALL!!!1" Exactly, and vegetarians could limit a lot more suffering by planting their own crops, but where do you draw the line? You claim to have compassion for animals, but just as soon as it gets too inconvenient you decide to call it quits? Cowards. You're no better off; not in my book. A murderer who kills 10 people is no better off than a murderer who kills 20 if the murder is avoidable. Of course, from the perspective of a suggestible young vegetarian I'm sure being responsible for half as many murders as the next guy means you're off the hook, right?

I keep getting email from moral vegetarians saying "HEY MADOX WE FEED MORE GRAIN TO ANIMALS AND IF YOU EAT THE ANIMALS YOU ARE KILLING TWICE AS MUCH." No shit? The only difference is that I'm not protesting at street corners about other peoples' diets--I'm not the one with a mission to prevent "the suffering of living animals." This email I received, and many like it is the whole reason I wrote the article in the first place. My opinions are kept to myself on my personal web page. I don't remember asking anyone to read a damn thing on my website. When you open up your inbox, you don't find it full of my opinions, and if you do I didn't send them to you. I'm not standing on the street corners protesting, I'm not putting fliers on your car and I'm not putting ads on TV and in magazines. I'm not shoving my agenda down your throat, don't shove your agenda down mine. All you dumbass activists need to get bent already.

Fun with facts: vegetarians love to boast outrageous figures like "it takes 5,000 gallons of water to produce one pound of beef and only 20 gallons to produce one pound of wheat." I've heard figures ranging from 2,000 to 5,000, and vegetarians will be damned if they include a source so we'll take the mean (that means "average") and go with 3,500. The average person consumes 1.5 million gallons of water every year (it takes water to grow and produce the food you eat in addition to the water you drink, quit emailing me you morons). Why isn't PETA protesting overpopulation of humans on the street corners? Why isn't PETA passing out free condoms or throwing javelins in your cock when you walk down the street if they really cared about water consumption? It's not like that water just suddenly disappears. The earth has had about the same amount of water for 2 billion years. So if a pound of beef takes 3,500 gallons of water, what difference does it make? How many vegetarians drive a car? To make a car (including tires), it takes about 40,000 gallons of fresh water. That's not including the gas it takes to run the car, the electricity to run the gas station, the water used to create the boat that brought your precious oil, the water used to create the pavement you drive on, the destruction of toxic chemicals that went into creating your clothes, and the electricity you use every day to send me stupid emails over the internet. Every year you are directly responsible for the consumption of billions of gallons of water. There are 26 million people suffering preventable brain damage from iodine deficiency, and another 1.5 billion people at risk. Nevermind that, you have animals to save. By driving your cars, you pump billions of tons of poison into the atmosphere and you're slowly killing us all. The computer you use requires 250 watts of electricity, let alone the billions of computers required to keep you on the internet. All consuming energy. All contributing to pollution. Let's just ignore those minor hypocrisies. Someone wants to enjoy a burger and you'll be damned if you're going to let them.

What makes you think that animals suffer in slaughter houses anyway? I think it would rule to be raised for slaughter. Get all the free steroids you want, free meals and plenty of good company--hell, you have it made. Then when you're at the prime of your life, you get your head generously chopped off so you don't have to live through the suffering of old age. Not only that, but you can die with the satisfaction of knowing that somebody is going to enjoy eating a burger made out of you. What's more humane? Being slaughtered for meat or having to spend 8 hours a day, 40 hours per week in a cubicle for the rest of your life with assholes who listen to shitty music without headphones, then retiring and withering away with old age and cancer as your obnoxious kids grow up and treat you like shit? Slaughter please.

Date: Sun, 17 Nov 2002 06:19:11 -0800 (PST)
From: Alex Edwards <>
Subject: Post this, I dare you.

It seems that you only post hate mail that you have an
answer for. You're such a jackass, and when people
challenge you, you can't even answer them.
Go on, I challenge you to post this e-mail.
What car DO you drive? Many people have asked it, but
you don't seem to want to answer it. Maybe it's
because YOU are to scared. Maybe you're too FUCKING
scared that people are going to put YOU down.

So, once again, post this e-mail.
Tell us, what car you DO you drive?
Or are you too scared?


I am not. But I am much younger than you. I know how
to spell, and I know that this e-mail has perfect
grammer. You pointless site is so crap.

The first time I looked through it, i thought it was
quite funny, but then I see the hate mail section, and
I see how feeble you are.

You want to know what kind of car I drive? Fear:

I have the following mods:

  • Stripes on my car because it makes me feel like I drive less of a piece of shit.
  • Gold rims because gold rims help make the car look sharp and chicks dig guys with sharp cars. Being as I'm not too much of a loser to use my car as a vessel for getting laid, it makes up for the fact that I'm a pimple-faced 16 year old who still lives at home (note for the slow: I'm not really 16).
  • My name and/or car brand in Old English type with big letters on the windshield or back window. This is important in case someone forgets what brand of car I'm driving, or in case they see me in my sweet ride and they think to themselves "hey who's that cool guy in that sweet ride?"
  • A "Type R" sticker because having the sticker is the next best thing to having the speed.
  • Gold trim so people don't mistake me for being anything but a high roller.
  • Flame stickers on the side of my car because I'm still stuck in that whole "Hot Wheel" phase.
  • This is probably the most frequently asked question regarding my article about Civics. You guessed it Alex, the reason I don't tell people what kind of car I drive on my website is because I don't want to be put down. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that thousands of raving lunatics like you would love to key my car if they ever saw it in public. Hey, while I'm at it why don't I give you my license plate number and save you morons the trouble of stalking me? I already stated in my Civic article that I don't drive a sports car, so what difference does it make? The point of my article was that a lot of people buy cheap cars and then dump a lot of money into making it look trashy when they could just buy a nice car and make most of the same modifications to make the already fast car go faster. I know a lot of you are going to email me saying "BUT MADOX ITS JUST A HOBBY AND I ENJOY DOING IT LOL!!!11." Yeah? Well writing about your stupid hobby is my hobby, so piss off. Also, what does "you pointless site is so crap" mean you jerk? Perfect "grammer" my ass.

    Date: Fri, 18 Oct 2002 06:08:05 +0000
    From: d d <>
    Subject: Who are you to criticize?

    Mr. Wannabe omniscient and omnipotent terrorizer:

    Is there a single race, ethnicity, class, gender, age, ....etc that you
    haven't belittled and criticized to a pulp? It seems to me that you've
    had as decrepit and squalid a life as Eminem and Fidel Castro! Of course,
    I have no idea why i'm squandering my precious time on fecal matter like
    yourself. My advice to you: look for psychiatric help. When I have spent
    10 years in medical school and after I've recieved my degree, then maybe
    I'll be seeing you as a patient; until then, keep commiserating.

    VIVO (junior high school)

    Yeah, maybe you'll see me in a few years; that is, if I continue to work and pay my taxes that put your punk ass through school and afford you the luxury of sassing off to people on the internet. Nice job on the Castro reference, by the way. Socialist dictators and rap stars have a lot in common. After all, when I think decrepit, I think Eminem (hint: look up decrepit). I want to keep this brief, because I don't want to squander any more of your precious time that you could be doing.. what is it 14 year olds do again? Oh yeah, not a damn thing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, VIVO, oh wise and powerful junior high school student.

    Date: Wed, 18 Sep 2002 12:19:28 -0700
    From: Matt <>
    Subject: haha

    hey Mr.Who Claims he can spell.
    Looks like you cant spell for shit,

    ""I win. When I go into work next, I'm going to surprise all my
    co-workers and put up pictures of myself instead of their ugly kids and
    their inane drawings. ""

    Inane Drawings? WTF is an INANE drawing?


    116949 stupid kids tried stepping to my iNsAne skills and got 0wned.

    1 Cloud9 stepped to your INANE babble and Bitch Slapped the FUCK OUTA YA.

    Date: Thu, 10 Oct 2002 05:58:40 -0700 (PDT)
    From: Little <>
    Subject: Reply to Website


    I am not sure what your name is or what kind of life you have. I just
    thought I would comment on your site. Before you can grade a child's
    work, learn how to spell yourself. For instance, INSANE, which is what
    your are.

    Have a nice day!

    Date: Wed, 18 Sep 2002 20:03:44 -0400
    From: Whone <>
    Subject: YOU SUCK ASS!

    ya shitface
    you spelled insane wrong on your page, yet you thing your the grammar
    king.. make fun of 9 yr olds.

    but regardless your page was fuckin funny.

    Date: Thu, 10 Oct 2002 09:46:22 -0700
    From: Seth Major <>
    Subject: Nice Spelling

    You spelled insane wrong there smart guy

    I'm only posting this because of the sheer number of emails I get from you dipshits telling me that I had a typo on my "I am better than your kids" page. The word is "inane," not "insane." Inane is a word, look it up:

    inane (i-'nAn), adjective:
    1 : empty, insubstantial
    2 : lacking significance, meaning, or point: silly

    Seriously, I thought people were kidding when they kept emailing me one after another telling me I had a typo. That's another thing, you cocks can stop emailing me with every little typo and grammar mistake you find on my site. I know they're there. There's a typo on my Metallica page, there's another on my Jenny Jones page and I'm sure there are a few others I've missed--on purpose--to lull you into a false sense of security by making you think that I'm not perfect and that you stand a chance of busting my chops; little do you know that my chops are un-bustable. Regardless, I'm not going to fix them because I just don't give a shit. So then why do I bitch about spelling, grammar, etc in some of my hate mail?

    As of this writing, I've written 283 web pages containing over 122,000 words. Let's say that hypothetically each page contained 3 typos (the actual number is much lower than that, but for the sake of argument bear with me). So that would make a grand total of 849 typos on my web site, or 0.7% of the total words on my site incorrect. That's less than one percent of all the words on my site spelled incorrectly given this generous model. Hell, even if I had 5 mistakes per page, that would still only make 1,415 or 1.15% of the words spelled incorrectly on my site.

    Now let's look at the average dipshit sending me hate mail to tell me how much of an idiot I am. Most of them have upwards of 5 mistakes per sentence. I'm not bitching so much that there are mistakes, but if you're going to tell someone that he or she is an idiot, you had better make sure not to look like one yourself, or at least sound half intelligible when you do it. That's all I ask. Also, it's "YOU'RE" not "YOUR" when you want to say "you are." As in, you're pissing me off by sending me this stupid bullshit.

    Date: Wed, 17 Jul 2002 00:25:09 EDT
    Subject: (no subject)

    Well, that was a breath of fresh air, huh?
        I'm 39 years old, bald and scrawny with paunch; I've been unemployed for
    a year, never owned a car, haven't had sex in approximately 8 years, and one
    could argue that I have no friends. In short, I am by almost anyone's
    standards, a loser.
        STILL, I have better things to do with my time than to immerse myself in
    the endless yammering of a lot of angry young men on non-issues like cars and
    music. I mean really, who gives a fuck?
        I think the difference between me and the angry young men, including Mr.
    Maddox, is that I know how pitiful my position is, and I'm trying to improve
    it, instead of wasting my time on ineffectual attacks against anything that I
    perceive to be different. And I can spell.

    You certainly can spell, but I can see that reading comprehension isn't your strength. Time and time again on this site, my message to people about "a lot of angry young men on non-issues like cars and music" is precisely "who gives a shit?" With the eloquence of a drunk eating his own puke, you stumbled through this fact completely oblivious.

    Then you have the audacity to ask me "who gives a fuck?" Well, you, for one. Or at least you give enough of "a fuck" to write me a vitriol saturated email as if you're some how above it all--at 12:30 in the morning no less.

    Yes, it's quite clear that you have better things to do with your time. I mean, sending email to strangers on the internet is quite a fruitful endeavor, right up there with, oh I don't know, maybe GETTING A JOB? You know, I was wondering: if you don't have a job, then who's paying for you to be on the internet? Who's paying your electricity bills? Who's paying you enough so that you can not only afford to eat every day, but that you have so much extra that you can afford the luxury of logging on and sending candid emails to random people on the internet? Who? Tell me, how did sending this email possibly help to improve your pathetic situation? The only thing that pissed me off about your email is when you mentioned that you don't have a job, because I know that I am somehow inadvertently paying for you to write me an email. Get a job and try being less of a social parasite. Better things to do with your time, my ass.

    While it may be true that you're bald, scrawny, unemployed and haven't had sex for over eight years (thankfully), at least you can take solace in the fact that your one and only argument in your email wasn't flawed by a glaring contradiction, right? Oh wait.

    Date: Mon, 13 May 2002 22:06:47 -0400
    From: Richard Cole <>

    You need to chill on the suicide article. I am in a pshycology class and am
    learning about suicide. You just can't post that on the internet. There are
    people who might listen to the bull crap you are saying. So why not start
    thinking with your head rather than your rear. You are so immature and
    stupid. You probably did kill some kids by posting that on your retarded
    site. You need to get a life and maybe a freaking brain. You have no idea
    how many people would beat you down if they saw you in public. You write
    like your are intelligent in your replies to the hate mail. Why not use your
    intelligence to something that may make the world a better place and quit
    being such a critic. I think you like the attention you are getting from
    your stupid site. That is why you continue to post your dumb posts or
    opinions. How about you get attention like a real man would and get the
    dildo out of your butt. You need to stop cussing and use some of your
    awesome big words instead.

    You know Richard, or is it alright if I call you Dick? You know Dick, I thought long and hard about posting that suicide article after I wrote it. I thought that there might be, as you suggested, people who would "listen to the bull crap" I'm saying. Then I eventually decided that anyone who would come to my page and read that article, and then take it seriously enough to end their lives has problems more serious than depression: the problem they have is Stupid. Stupid is a very serious disease, and judging by your email you might have it; you should check with someone. Here are some symptoms of Stupid:

  • You're a business major.
  • You own a $15,000 dollar car with racing stripes on it.
  • You send email to strangers babbling about their web page because you think taking a 1000 level psychology course in a community college gives you the right to talk out of your ass.
  • You think that sitting in meetings at work is productive.
  • You kill yourself over a web page.

    If people who read my site end up killing themselves over it, then you have to wonder how long they would have lived in the first place.

    I mean, seriously, if you're that much of a brain dead dolt that you're going to be coaxed into taking your life because of some stupid shit someone writes on his personal page, then it would have only been a matter of time before your dumbass did something stupid like wandering out into traffic or falling out of your chair, hitting your head on the edge of your desk and bleeding to death. Anyone that stupid probably shouldn't be living. Trust me on this one, I'm doing you a favor. These are the same people who hold up traffic, pay with checks, listen to Enya, and delete all the files on their computer and then wonder why it stops working.

    Hey Dick, don't you think it's a bit hypocritical to send me an email telling me to stop being "such a critic"? You know that your email is full of criticism, right? Do they teach you how not to be a moron in your pshycology class? Exactly what field of study is pshycology? Is it anything like psychology, moron? What's the deal with your email anyway, are you 12 or something? If you want me to stop cussing, then why did you use the phrase "bull crap" instead of bullshit? It has the same meaning, except you sound like a pussy when you say "bull crap." Nobody cares if you say shit, least of all me. You remind me of all those pussies who write "sh*t" as if it's somehow less offensive to read than the actual word. Listen Dick, I'm going to do you a favor and give you some advice. It would be in your best interest to take my advice because I know everything.

    Advice for Dick:
    1. Stop being a pussy. If you're going to cuss, just do it.
    2. Shut up. You don't know anything.
    3. Get a vasectomy.

    There you have it Dick, send me a follow-up email in a couple of years and let me know how my advice has worked out.

    Date: Tue, 05 Feb 2002 04:41:13 +0000
    From: "james g adams" <>
    Subject: your website is in poor taste.

    to whom it may concern: i was conducting research for a psychology course i
    am currently enrolled in and accidentally accessed your website by mistake.
    i don't know wheather you think you are cool or amusing the masses by making
    all these unnecessary commentaries in your articles, but you come across as
    rather arrogant and abnoxious. i know i seem like i'm prying in your
    buisiness, but that's exactly what you're doing as well: placing your nose
    in other people's buisiness where it does not belong. it doesn't matter
    weather you are serious about the things you say or wheather your website is
    intended for comical purposes only, the world wide web could do just fine
    without people like you. it's people like you that always managed to louse
    up my days in highschool or at work. people like you sit around and wait for
    someone to make a mistake and do something stupid then you laugh at them.
    like you never make mistakes? are you exceptional in some special way? is
    there anything that makes you any better than the rest of us all? tell me,
    what kind of music do you like? how about posting an article on your website
    involving positive thoughts and about the music, the food, the shows that
    you like to whatch? i know why you don't do that. you're afraid people will
    ridicule you. you're afraid of social rejection. in all reality, you have a
    serious inferiority complex and try to mask it by cutting other people down.
    what really just makes me bitter is that you have the audacity to do all
    this over the internet. you sit at home and poke fun of other people behind
    a keyboard at home. how cowardly is that? why not expressing your opinion in
    public? i know why. because you are afraid. afraid to stand up infront of
    people. you have no balls. you just think you do. you're all talk and
    absolutely no walk whatsoever. i bet that's not even your picture that you
    posted over your website. what was that last article all about, the one
    about the antiques? if you're making fun of people who participate in
    antique collections, then what are you doing whatching antique shows? make
    some sense, will you?

    Tell me Freud, while you were masturbating with self-satisfaction after writing your rigorous psychological analysis of my website, did it occur to you that nobody forced you to read anything on my site? Just wondering because I don't remember coming over to your house, typing a malformed query into your search engine, clicking on a link titled "The Best Page in the Universe," and then prying your eye lids open while you read my page.

    I checked to see what Freud was searching for that pulled up my site and here's what I found: hl=en&q=patch+adams+girlfriend+killed&btnG=Google+Search

    So let me get this straight: You were conducting research for a psychology course (which for whatever reason, the professor finds it fit to introduce feel-good watered-down sentimental bullshit like Patch Adams into the curriculum), when you "accidentally accessed" my web site "by mistake"? Oh so you accidentally accessed my site by mistake as opposed to accidentally accessing my web site on purpose? Then you tell me to "make some sense"?

    Next you claim that people like me sit around and wait for someone to make a mistake and do something stupid so I can laugh at them. Yeah, that sounds about right.

    What really baffles me about your email is the double standard you're pulling. You're calling me cowardly for putting up my web page, claiming that I'm afraid to make my opinions public? This is just a stab in the dark so correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't posting opinions on a web page on the internet make my opinions accessible to anyone? So what you're saying is that it's cowardly to post my opinions in a forum that's "public" by definition, right? Makes perfect sense if you ignore that whole "logic" thing. Then again, why make sense when you can prattle off like an idiot, right? Drop my idiot friend here a line and tell him who the real coward is.

    Date: Tue, 9 Oct 2001 20:46:28 -0700
    From: res0jw1n <>
    Subject: your a dumbass

    Dear Mr. Maddox
    O.K. lets get one thing stright, you say these people with civics and
    such are dipshits because they fix them up. Here's a question, what kind
    of car do you drive? also, what i think is you have too much time on your
    hands, when your not beating off to playgirl mags your critisizing what
    other people do to there cars with THEIR money. So why dont you shut the
    hell up and go back to beating off to pictures of guys.You know what i
    dont even own a civic, i just think you are the biggest dumbass ive ever
    herd of.

    P.S. ive incripted a virus along with this e-mail

    You know ACE, I won't even point out the irony of your subject line (it's "you're", not "your", dipshit), because chances are that you're too inept to know what irony is.

    Every once in a while, I'll get an email from some jackass saying "people put fins on their cars for better drag coefficients." When I write back and ask these morons if they know what a coefficient is, or if they know that drag is also proportional to things they have no control over such as air density, I never get a response. The reason? They're pussies. Speaking of pussies, ACE, thanks for the virus tip off; I went ahead and forwarded your email to the FBI. Not that it matters, because even if you knew how to send a virus, which apparently you don't because your email is void of attachments and macros, it wouldn't matter because I read my mail on a Unix system. Oooh.. a virus. Tell me, ACE, how exactly do you "incript" something? Is that the same as encryption? Dumbass.

    Date: Wed, 10 Oct 2001 20:37:44 -0400
    From: Jp <>

    You call everyone morons and dipshits for their cars? What the fuck
    do you drive? Wait another question do you have a life? I mean you look
    like an adult and all but I mean bashing other people in your spare time
    LOL what kind of a jack ass are you? Get a life dude better yet a girl

    Truly yours,

    Supra driver

    Dear Supra, thanks for your advice. Since I've read your email, I've decided to give this girlfriend thing a shot. I found out where your girlfriend lives and I'm now dating her. Thanks for the suggestion, yours truly,


    Date: Tue, 08 May 2001 00:35:00 -0000
    From: Adam Taylor <>

    why the fuck do you bitch and complain about everything? is there
    anything you DO like? why don't you do somthing usefull? like NOT make
    web pages where you complain about everything. the article entitled
    'Listening to cool music makes you cool.'... your fuckin' stupid. the guy
    played cool music because it get's the attention of other people, and
    obviously it fuckin' worked.. and the thing about basket ball, what the
    hell is wrong with basket ball? i don't like it myself, but atleast i
    don't go off about how stupid it is. i don't like basket ball... big
    shit... SO I DON'T FUCKIN' SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT! so just because your
    either 1. to damn lazy to get off your ass and play, 2. you fuckin' suck
    ass at it, or even 3. because people probably don't like you, doesn't
    mean you can just go off about how stupid it is.

    another thing, i just read your 'That's right asshole, bag my groceries!'
    article, obviously you licked ass at sports when you were younger. you
    seem to have somthing against people who play sports. were you picked on
    when you were in high school? or possibly even BEATIN by the kids that
    were bigger than you and were good at sports? obviously you were. how can
    you possibly say that the kids playing football interupted you 'learning'
    anything. seems to me all you do is bitch about the people that are
    better than you at anything at all. and the reason you keep seeing the
    'jocks' you went to school with 'bagging your groceries' is because, you
    said it your self, your high school team sucked! they got no where
    because the licked ass... like you. i was recently accepted to play for
    the Vancouver junior football team, which may lead to collage ball, or
    even the CFL, which could very well lead to the NFL... now tell me that
    i'm not going anywhere playing football? dip-shit.

    next time your writing about how much you hate somthing... think a little
    about how fuckin' stupid you are before you post it on you
    'stupid-ass-no-creativity-at-all' website.... and use some PHP, or HTML
    for fuck sakes, or atleast a little web design, your site sucks ass...
    your making people, that actully know what there doing, look bad..

    go to hell.

    Well I have to hand it to you Adam, you've proven once and for all that not all jocks are dumb and that some are even smart enough to go on to collage. I take back everything I said about athletics being a diversion from education.

    Every once in a while, I'll get a piece of hate mail so stupid that it's brilliant. You claim that I'm wrong for criticizing people who play loud obnoxious music in public? After all, why garner the attention of voters with rigorous political merit when you can penetrate everyone's psyche within a 5 mile radius with poorly-written, one-note, R&B, homogenized, trendy horse shit, right dipshit?

    You do make a good point however, when you talk about... oh wait, my bad, I started reading my response to you; you have no good points. However, I can't argue with success. As hard as it is to believe that a mere mortal would be bestowed with the prestigious honor of being accepted to play on the Vancouver junior football team, I'm very impressed. No really, that has to be right up there with winning a distance pissing contest, at the very least. I'm sure you'll make it big in collage. Don't let a silly little thing like the fact that you're a moron come in the way of your dream.

    Oh, by the way, I'll take your suggestion for sprucing up my web page with some HTML under consideration, thanks. In fact, I think I'll start with this page, tell me what you think of the new look:

    Since you seem to be an expert at web technology, perhaps you've noticed some of the scripts I'm running behind the scenes on my web site? Tell you what, since you seem to be in-the-know, I've decided to give you a demonstration free of charge; I've banned you from my web site for one week. Ah hell, let's go crazy. I've banned everyone from your ISP from my web site for one week. I've left a message for anyone banned from my web site to email you with their gratitude! Enjoy!

    Here's what someone banned will see:


    Date: Tue, 23 Jan 2001 19:43:22 -0500
    From: . <>
    Subject: your jackass web site

    i saw your jackass site and i really have to say that JACKASS RULES AND
    YOU SUCK!!!!!!

    Looks like I've struck a nerve with you MTV winners. If I had the time, I'd put up a huge anti-MTV page--if not because everything MTV plays is shit and the people who watch it are morons, then out of spite.

    I'd feel compelled to defend myself if I felt like this person was even remotely insulting. This is just weak.

    Date: Wed, 17 Jan 2001 20:36:20 EST
    From: <>
    Subject: ur messing wit the wrong people dude!

    i happen to like mtv. do you want to know y!!!??!! well, i going to TELL
    YOU!!! first off, mtv is REAL. not like all those other stupid shows that
    have mickey mouse running around!! i mean real, doin stuff no one else
    do. you got to have some guts to do what they do. All they want is to
    people laugh! what the hell is wrong wit that!! I also happen to like Mtv
    because its cool! not boring like "surviver." and when you say, "Extreme
    sports idiots" i hope you don't mean me, cause i am one of those people,
    damn proud of it!! at least we don't sit on our ass all day like you and
    nothing!!! that is all i have to say.

           mtv lover

    Well excuse me all to hell. I guess I was wrong about MTV; this person makes a good point: MTV truly is real. Where else could I gain as much valuable insight about the real world than from a show titled "The Real World"? Dumbass.

    I have a better idea: instead of watching the "real world" on TV, why not live in it? It's easy, all you have to do is turn off the TV and go do something. All sorts of "real" stuff happens in the "real world." You can ride a bike, eat a sandwich and you can even prove to the world that you're a dolt by sending me poorly written hate mail.

    I'd have never guessed you watch MTV from the refined writing in your email. You ask what's wrong with MTV? They're the good guys after all, they only want to make people laugh, right? The producers, writers, celebrities, record labels, soda companies, clothing companies, agents, directors and a slew of corporate executives, managers, supervisors and accountants laugh all the way to the bank with the money of all the dumbasses who watch MTV and endorse the products of their juggernaut marketing campaign. Go on, watch their shows, laugh it up... they're doing things nobody else would do. Look everybody! A guy sitting in pig shit! That's good TV, call the kids.

    MTV blows. The network claims to be so cutting-edge and anti-censorship, yet they're one of the most heavily censored networks out there. Thumbs down to its parent company Viacom. The people who make the decisions at MTV are cowards with no conviction. Sure, they'll act like they're mean shit when they show a breast or let a cuss word fly here and there, but when it comes to showing something completely uncensored, those pussies back down... why? Heaven forbid advertisers object to their content. Then how will the producers make their Lexus payments? Wake up. MTV is mind-rot bullshit, turn it off.

    Date: Fri, 16 Jun 2000 22:12:47 GMT
    From: captain kirk <>
    Subject: hipocrit!!!

    you are are a judgemental son of a bithc who are you to jugde people who
    choose to live the gothic life s5yle youre not them you dont know what
    theyve been through it makes me so sad to see a pathetic dickless weener
    like you wasting youre energy putting down other people you make me sick
    gothic people make a diffence standing up for what they believe they dont
    need cock suckers like you putting them down!!! eat shit and die!!!

    Click on the image for my official response:


    Date: Thu, 13 Apr 2000 02:05:40 -0500 (EST)
    From: ---- <--------@-----.--->
    Subject: hate mail

    jesus christ, what a fucking inept excuse for a webpage. loser! clearly
    you have a tiny wee-wee. and are a shitty programmer too; a good one
    wouldn't be stuck in a tiny cubicle with a shitty computer doing code
    optimization for a company that treats him like shit. god! arrogant
    prick, with no good reason to be!

    why try to having grating opinions when really, you're just a dickhead?
    christ almighty!

    fuck off!
    Note: name and email omitted.

    What people usually don't realize when they send me hate mail, is that I find out everything I can about the person who sends it to me. The reason I withheld his name and email address is because within minutes of receiving this email, I found his personal home page, his full name, address, place of employment, resume, the name of his friends and family, his hobbies, interests, habits, his major, his phone number, several pictures of himself (worthy of posting on, and even pictures of his family. Dumbass. I was going to go all out on this one and post everything, but I thought the email was kind of funny, so I emailed him back to ask if it was real.

    In his response, the email signature contained the URL to his home page. DAMMIT. So, I figured that since he trusted me enough to send it (or he was too stupid to erase it), and because I laughed when I read this email, I'd go easy on him (and besides, the last time I threatened to do this to someone, he almost cried). Since I'm already in the spirit, I'll have some fun, so I'll post a bit from his resume:

    Title: Consultant Support Specialist
    Managing, supervising, and leading consultants
    Creating and maintaining consultant resources
    Consultant interviews and evaluations
    Hardware/tech support and repair

    This was the most recent "work experience" he had, followed by:

    Title: Computer Consultant
    Duties: Hardware/software setup, Technical/customer support

    I'm a shitty programmer? This coming from someone who landed a prestigious job doing technical support in a university computer lab? The lowest common denominator of computer jobs. I'd better be careful with what I say... I'm dealing with a pro. Just not a programmer. Way to go jackass.

    Date: Fri, 3 Mar 2000 16:54:36 -0800

    your a fucking asshole with a mouth

    Short and to the point. I was bored, so I went rummaging through my logs to see how Aaron found my web site. It seems that he was using the excite search engine, and entered the following query: search=a+page+for+losers+and+depressed+people

    This query pulled up my gothics page (the only page he bothered looking at). Well Aaron, did you find what you were looking for? Dumbass. I was going to omit your name, but I figured that since you didn't take the time to look at anything else on my site, I wouldn't take the time to conceal your identity. Drop my pal Aaron here a line and tell him he's a dumbass.

    Date: Mon, 22 Nov 1999 10:49:10 PST

    I recently stumbbled upon your web page, BY MISTAKE, and I would just like
    to say that you are the biggest idiot I think I have ever met. You seem
    like the type of moron that just sits at home and does nothing all day but
    cry and whine. You see other people, who have ambition and are successful,
    and then you think about your own shitty life and decide. Anyone who has a
    better life than me, which is everyone is trash no matter how good of a
    person they are. for example Donnie Osmond. He is fallen and worked his
    way back up to the top so many times, and he has done it honestly not by
    lying cheating and sleeping around. Yet to you he is a bad person because he
    has been successful. Another Example is Ellen Degenerious. She took a
    stand and told people she way gay even though she knew people would respond
    negitively, yet she continued to be successful because she was honest and
    stood up for what she believed. You should re-evaluate your own life before
    you criticize everyone elses
    First and last name omitted.

    You stumbbled upon my web page by mistake eh? I have news for you: that's not the only mistake you've made. First of all, how can I possibly be the biggest idiot you've ever met, being as you've never met me? You criticize my satire and label me as a "type of moron that just sits at home and does nothing all day...," as opposed to just the regular type of moron? Okay, I'll play along. Let's assume that I am the "type" of moron that, in your words, "sits at home and does nothing all day." That'd make me a pretty big loser, wouldn't it? So if I'm such a loser that I don't have anything better to do than to sit around all day and criticize other people, what does that make you (now that you've criticized me)? Hmm.. what's the word that describes somebody that does something against what they preach? Oh that's right, a hypocrite.

    You're obviously a fan of Donnie Osmond; I happen to think he's a shit-eater. Why? For the exact same reason you think he's great. Do you actually know Donnie Osmond? Have you ever met him? Do you have any idea what kind of person Donnie Osmond is, or are you just talking out of your ass? I've never met him either, so I'm not going to assume that he lives an honest, virtuous life just because he has a clean-cut/wholesome look on TV. So in this respect, you're really no different than I am, other than you choose to be suckered by his image, while I choose to be consistent with my personality. This leads me to the aspect of Donnie Osmond that I dislike the most: his personality (or lack thereof). Donnie is just not funny. He's not interesting. He's not witty, and I don't like to watch him. On what grounds can I justify this? My opinion. As with everything else on my page, it's MY OPINION. If I think Donnie Osmond is an asshole, or if I think he's a hack, it's my right to say so, regardless of what my reasons are, regardless of what some preconceiving dipshit thinks about me and my life. You can't dispute my opinion because my opinions ARE NOT INHERENTLY TRUE OR FALSE. They're just opinions, like anyone else's. My guess as to why Donnie Osmond has fallen so many times (assuming you're right), is because he's such a dipshit and people realize that he's a hack. The guy is lame. I realize that I couldn't do a better job than Donnie at acting, and that's why I have a real job. Maybe someone should let him know, because.. damn.

    Next, you mention Ellen Degeneres. Ellen Degeneres is the queen of hacks. I watched her show several times before somebody had the good sense to cancel it, and it was pure shit. Ellen Degeneres is a no-talent lame ass that tried to cash in on her homosexuality. The entire premise of her sitcom, during the later seasons, was that she was gay. Guess what? Nobody gave a damn. Ellen Degeneres is not the only openly gay actor/actress in Hollywood. Marcy D'arcy, (Amanda Bearse) on Married with Children was openly gay in real life. Why didn't she spawn a shitty sitcom of her own, making a big fuss over who she likes to sleep with? Maybe because she knew better than to exploit her sexuality like that bitch Ellen did. Every time I see Ellen Degeneres, she makes me sick, and I can't stop barfing. She's the worst, and so are you. Find something better to do, and quit wasting my time with this bullshit.


    Date: Wed, 10 Dec 2003 10:22:39 EST
    From: <>
    Subject: fuckface


    seeing you. dickless.

    Date: Sat, 24 Jul 1999 15:29:10 EDT
    From: Some jackass who doesn't know when to give it a rest <>
    Subject: At&t guy and cd's

    hey man. the at&t guy is DAvid arquette. and he is only making a living by
    acting so LAY OFF. And about the cd and tape thing. The only reason a cd
    is higher than a tape is because a cd has DIGITAL encoding. any MORON knows
    that. Guess you a lower than a moron.

    BTW (it means By the way for retards) YOURE WEB SITE SUCKS!!!

    David Arquette is only trying to make a living? Poor guy, let's give him some slack. I mean, he's a great actor.. he was in.. oh wait, not a damn thing. David Arquette is a hack, just like Tony Danza and Sinbad. The world has ENOUGH shitty actors. Could I do any better than Arquette? Probably not. So I guess that's why I have a real job. It would be great if everyone could be paid thousands of dollars for acting like a jackass on TV, but they can't. So who's to blame for that shitty AT&T commercial? Arquette, or the writers? Either way, the fact that the commercial was made remains. It wasn't funny, entertaining, informative or necessary, so it implies that the commercial was made purely out of greed. Pure profit is what they were aiming for, which is perhaps why they decided to go with a hack like Arquette in the first place. I mean, does the world really need another alternative to placing collect calls? Who benefits from this? Us? Or them?

    Of course, most advertisers have the fundamental goal of increasing profit. Subtract from those the fraction of advertisers promoting a useful service or product, and the rest is garbage. Loud, shrieking, obnoxious garbage. If David Arquette had the good sense to decline the AT&T spot, I wouldn't be writing this today. But he didn't. He was greedy. Of course, he has mouths to feed too, right? If that's the case, then he can get a real job and bust his ass like everyone else. With that in mind, AT&T, their shitty commercials, and their whole collect calling division can go straight to hell for all I care.

    Next, you babbled something about my music industry page. Of what I was able to derive from your broken english and poor grammar, you think the only reason a CD is "higher" than a tape, is because of "digital encoding?" By higher, I assume you mean more expensive. Regardless, you're wrong. First of all, what the hell are you talking about? Do you know what "digital encoding" is? By definition, it's the "conversion of each sample of a waveform to a number." What the hell does that have to do with the COST of a CD? Is there some new royalty fee for using a binary coding scheme that I'm not aware of? Or do you mean the digital to analog converter necessary to perform the conversion from within the player, in which case the cost of the CD player would be more expensive, as opposed to the CD itself?

    The truth is that there is no significant reason why CD's continue to cost more than tapes. People are simply willing to pay the extra cost because they aren't willing to boycott, and manufacturers know this. That's why we continue to get milked almost twice as much for a CD than for a tape, even though CD's cost next to nothing to press. I don't claim to know all the facts, but I know when I'm being ripped off. Of course, that's something every moron knows right? Now that you know, that's one more moron you can add to your list (namely, yourself). BTW (and I use that acronym here out of spite), it helps to use correct grammar when you call someone a moron, jackass.

    Date: Mon, 01 Mar 1999 15:50:02 -0700
    From: <######>
    Subject: you web page makes me weep

    your web page was brought to my attention. my lawyer will be contacting
    you soon.

    enjoy being a egotistical feeling-invincible punk-ass kid while you can,
    kid. when 30 sets in and fecal juice is bubbling out your ass 24/7, you
    can't digest lettuce, cheese, beef jerky or anything other than paste,
    and crossing a crosswalk makes you break out in hives cuz you know even
    a coasting moped could crack your fossilized, calcified feeble frame
    into a thousand splinters, well then... you can make a new web page that
    says "i used to think i rule but i really sucked much ass but since i
    realize it now i rule once again". hey it worked for kazynski, didn't
    it? of course, he's getting a phenyol barbital enema as three militant
    homosexual male nurses pin him down right at this moment.

    aren't you the guy that tried to smoke the crystalline entity anyway?
    and i know the only reason you hate people that speak in klingon is
    because you speak fluent ferengi.

    Woe is he who pisses off a Star Trek geek. Listen lameass, why don't you and all your Trek buddies get bent? Stop wasting my time with this bullshit.

    Date: Mon, 1 Mar 1999 15:52:55 -0700 (MST)
    From: spanky the wonder muppet < >
    Subject: you suck lameass

    Your page sucks ass. I get better e-mail spam from people i dont even
    know. I would like to congratulate you on being the 7896776th person to
    post a cleverly-worded 'guide to the internet' for our weary eyes to
    stumble over. Whats up with the whole 'yellow jacket' babble? Did you
    miss "Mad about You" one evening and write the whole thing out of spite?
    You could be doing so much good in this world. You could start by playing
    in traffic.

    Every night I ask Jesus to kill you.

    Seems like a pretty pissed off fellow, or is he? Only one way to find out: spam him with hate mail. Drop him a line, tell this Helen Hunt loving lame ass who the real asshole is.

    Here's the disclaimer if you want to send me hate mail (Note: I decide what's hate mail and what's not):


    By sending me hate mail, you acknowledge that I own all rights to the entire contents of your message, any images sent with the message, your email address, your house, your car, your first born and your soul. Furthermore, you agree to make your email address publicly available on this or any other web site, and you accept my views and opinions as being right regardless of anything. Furthermore, you agree that it is okay for me or anyone else to slander and/or libel you on this or any other web site, in public, at your place of employment, or anywhere else in this or any other universe and/or dimension. Know that sending me hate mail is a request for character defamation, endless belittling and excessive mockery. You may not sue me for any reason, ever, and this disclaimer is subject to change without notice, and you are still subject to the rules regardless of any changes made. If you do not agree with these rules, then don't send me hate mail.

    Oh, and by the way:

    That's how it is.

    go away.

    6554 cowards have sent me hate mail.

    Back to how much I rule...