Update (05-28-05):
On May 23 2005, I received several emails from people telling me that
a DJ on a morning radio show in Atlanta stole some material from my website.
I checked out the show's page and found a transcript that confirmed the
rumors. Long story short, I posted the page below in response, and the
radio station got flooded with thousands of visitors, callers, and people
emailing the staff to call them on their bullshit.
The next day, the DJ issued a long on-air apology to me and an
unnamed comedian he ripped off (Conan O'Brien in case you were wondering).
The DJ also sent
a copy of his apology to me through email. We had a short exchange
during which I told him that this was particularly frustrating for me
because this wasn't the first radio show to rip me off.
I've been listening to talk radio since I was 12. I have a tape full of
myself on the air in 6th grade from when I'd be a daily on-air guest for a
local radio station. I could see myself being in talk radio some day;
I did college radio for 2 years, and I even met with
executives
from Clear Channel, Citadel, Infinity, and every local radio station in
between. Nobody had heard of my website, but then again, nobody I talked
to had heard of "The Onion" either. Basically everyone I talked with
told me the same thing: I'd have to work the switch boards for 2 years,
then I might be able to get my own DJ gig on a graveyard shift, and then
if I'm lucky, I'd get to work my way up from there. Then if by some miracle
I spoke to someone who had heard of my site, they usually blew smoke up my
ass with "we'll get back to you."
So here's what I don't get: these people are saying that my material isn't
good enough for the radio, yet my material has shown up on over 20 radio
shows, both syndicated and non-syndicated, for over 3 years now. So which is
it, assholes? Either my material
is good enough for the air and you give me a show, or it's not and you
STOP USING IT.
One day while I was sitting around listening to some local talk radio
dipshit yammering on with another boring-ass topic (either golf, foot
cream, or both), I realized
something: I don't want to be on radio anymore. Many people don't
realize this, but most radio shows don't get a lot of listeners. An average
local station will get anywhere from 10,000 to 100,000 listeners per day if
they're lucky. My site gets more daily readers than most radio stations
have listeners. I finally realized something: I don't need radio, radio needs
me.
These dumbasses running stations are still in the stone ages. They just
don't get it. They're so far behind on the times that when they finally
realize that people are finding more interesting content online--for free,
and without ads--it'll be too late. The last nail in the coffin of a
once great medium will be in place, and the lid will be firmly shut.
It's the end of radio. Top 40 stations aren't getting the draw they used to
because people are finding the music they want online, and finding similar
sounding artists more easily than they ever could on radio. They're finding
entertainment that rocks the balls off radio, and if these morons don't
wake up and see what's happening today, radio as we know it will be over.
That's why it pissed me off that people like the DJ who stole from
me can get a job in radio, while I sat for years with my thumb up my ass
trying to break in. Anyway, the DJ apologized, so I'm through busting his
balls. He also asked me to stop my readers from flooding him with email, so
since he came clean, I've removed the name of the station and his name from
the article below (now edited).
"His" comments are on the left,
my article
on the right:
| "His" piece: | My article: |
|
...
Such an amazing world you are stepping out into, with unlimited opportunities for you to sieze your place and make your way. Let me give you some perspective and show you what you are competing against:
Cameron Diaz
Cameron is now making a living with a brand new show called Trippin'
on MTV. Please note that it's Trippin, and not Tripping, because
using the final 'g' in any word is tragically unhip and they didn't
teach you that in college, and you should know that. Anyhow ... here
is how Trippin' goes:
Each show starts with a narrative by Cameron herself. If you can get
through that without hurting your hand by punching the TV screen and
wishing you were really making contact with Ms. Diaz's throat, you
will be treated to 30 minutes of a self-serving, unintentional,
fecal-fest. As you sing along with the opening song, you will say the
words "YOU GOT THE POWER TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE... YOU GOT THE POWER TO
MAKE A CHANGE." Four-years of college, and it took MTV to let you
know that you are empowered!
Helping Cameron spread her BS, and helping her make a living is a
lively band of misfits as well, including Eva Mendez, rapper "Redman,"
and Drew Barrymore -- all known as spirited environmental activists
who have devoted their lives to activating change. Yay for all of
them! From what I understand, this show is all about travelling to
the far corners of the earth and attempting to better the lives of
people who have never asked for it and who think that Cameron Diaz is
an albino giraffe-gorilla cross bred monser created by Quentin
Terentino.
This is clearly an up-and-coming industry that you should investigate.
Celebrity psudo-vacations under the guise of activism. You may have
some trademark issues ... |
Just when you thought MTV couldn't get more annoying, they give Cameron Diaz her own show called "Trippin':"
Note that the name of the show is "Trippin'" and not "Tripping" because the addition of the letter "g" would not be consistent with the views of MTV's urban youth demographic who tend to frown upon linguistic formalities such as proper enunciation. I mean, proper 'nunciation, yo! Each episode starts out with me imagining how awesome it would be to punch Cameron Diaz in the face. Nothing too showy, just a quick crack to the jaw to make a believer out of her. I suspect she has a glass jaw like most of the children I fight. Man, just thinking about landing a left hook is giving me a boner. Back to the show though. The theme song states "YOU GOT THE POWER TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE... YOU GOT THE POWER TO MAKE A CHANGE." Wow, thank you MTV, for making me feel empowered and independent, like only a multinational media conglomerate can. Then just when you think you're going to have high blood pressure (permanently), Diaz chimes in with her first person narrative to seal the deal ... Then as if Cameron Diaz wasn't annoying enough, she brought her "friends" along. In particular, notable environmental activists such as Eva Mendez, rapper "Redman," Drew Barrymore, Jessica Alba, and Blink 182 bass player Mark Hoppus, seen here with a shit-eating grin ... |
This DJ is a hack who thinks he can just steal material from websites without anybody noticing. Too bad he doesn't know how the counters on my site work. Here's a quick refresher for you:
That's right: it's a counter. It means that 312,101 people as of this writing have read my Trippin' article. It also means that you can't get away with stealing material from my website because millions of people visit this site every month. Good job, asshole. So my work is good enough to be read on morning shows across America, but just not good enough to be paid for, right?
It's hard to steal from a page that has been read by 769,619 people.
© 2005 by Maddox