I got harassed by a cop the other night while I was riding my bike. It was 1:20 in the morning and I was out like usual when I noticed that a car was following me. I turned around and saw a cop in a car with his lights off, creeping up behind me. Great strategy dumbass. Cops must think that turning their headlights off renders their vehicle invisible, because the cop obviously thought he was the shit as he drove around like he was Batman or something. Too bad there's engine noise that can be heard 40 yards away, otherwise the big, bulky Dodge Intrepid would have gone by completely undetected. Or at least that's what the cop would have you believing.

He continued following me about half way down the road, when he suddenly drove past me, cut me off and turned his headlights on. I damn near shit my pants when I saw those headlights come on because I didn't see him driving for half a mile behind me. Oh wait. So anyway, officer Dipshit steps out of his car, adjusting his belt as he walks over to me. I stopped my bike and he said "Kind'a late to be out ridin' yer bike, don't ya think?" with a smirk on his face.

I told him "No, in fact, I drive my bike every night on this road." He said "yeah... that's a reaaal nice bike you got there... shocks, brakes, good tires.. but it doesn't look like it fits you. We've been having a lot of these bikes turn up stolen lately..." I waited for him to finish incriminating me with his razor sharp detective skills, then I told him that I purchased the bike two weeks ago. Regardless, he wanted my name and address. I told him that I didn't have any ID on me, because I usually don't carry my wallet around when I go bike riding. He said "That's okay, I trust you...." as he leered at me through the corner of his eyes.

Now it just so happens that the road I was riding my bike on was one of the most heavily lit roads in the county. Maybe it's just me, but if I were a cop, I'd assume that someone riding a bike on such a heavily lit road wouldn't be riding a stolen bike because of the inherent risk of being caught on a road so well lit and monitored. But that's just me.

If it wasn't already late and I wasn't so tired, I would have played with his mind a little. Here's the reasoning that I was going to use: first, let's assume that I did indeed steal the bike. If I have, then that would imply one of two things: that I'm either really smart, or really stupid. If I'm really stupid, then I picked the wrong road to ride my stolen bike on because it's so heavily lit. On the other hand, if I'm really smart, then I chose the right road to ride my stolen bike on because I'd be anticipating the cop pulling me over, in which case I'd tell him this outrageous story to get out of trouble. Since we're assuming that I've stolen the bike and that I'm obviously not stupid because I've taken into consideration the risk of being caught on a heavily lit road, then it implies that I must be smart, or at least smart enough to make up this story to get out of stealing a bike. So if that's the case, and I am indeed smart enough to make all of this up, then wouldn't I be smart enough to know better than to steal a bike in the first place?

I know the cop was just doing his job and it's probably good to be cautious, but caution shouldn't displace common sense. This cop, as with most of the cops in the city I live in, was a dumbass with nothing better to do. What really pisses me off is that every time there's a horrendous crime comitted in the community, all you hear is bitching and moaning from the police force about how under-staffed they are; but the second you start jay walking, you'll have cops all over you like ugly on Whoopi Goldberg.

Like I don't have anything better to do than to go around and steal bikes all night. Not only do I steal the bikes, but I figure that I'll get a little exercise in while I'm at it. College is more expensive than I thought and stealing bikes can afford me a little extra spending money for the end of the month. Smooth thinking officer dipshit. I probably make more money than this jackass too. Like I couldn't afford to buy a damn bike. Dipshit.

246,754 idle cops have nothing better to do than to harass people riding their bikes at 1:30 in the morning.

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