Alright assholes, I wasn't going to do anything special when the site
received its 100 millionth visit, but you keep emailing me, so
here's a brief history of my site and some stats just to remind you of what
an awesome superhero I am:
August 12, 1997 - I posted the first article on my
site: a simple disparagement of communists. I tried to get my site
listed on Yahoo's search engine, but Yahoo had a policy that
any site called "the best" of anything would automatically get rejected.
I decided that Yahoo could munch on my taint, and I named my site "The Best
Page in the Universe" anyway. Today my site comes up as the first result
when you search Yahoo for "the best page in the universe, maddox, I hate old
people" or "huge balls."
51 - The average number visitors my site
received each day for the month of August in 2001.
148,618 - The number of visitors my site received
on monday this week (March 14, 2005).
- The first image posted on my
site. For all you deprived Brits out there, it's beef jerky.
85,478 - The number of unread emails I have
in archive (post spam-filter). Earliest unread message is dated from
September 14, 2003.
57 - The number of emails currently in my inbox
with the phrase "eat shit" somewhere in the message body.
835.61 - Gigabytes of bandwidth used by my site last
month.
$59.10 - The amount in donations I received last
month.
1,001,063 - The number of people who have visited
this page.
$0 - The amount of money I've spent on advertising.
Random insane subject line from my inbox: - Subject: I DROVE MY CAR INTO AN ORBITZ BUILDING TODAY
∞ - The number of imitators on the web who
think using the word "nigger" for every other word and making tsunami jokes
makes them edgy.
One of my favorite emails:
hey I had to do a 6 page report for school that was supposed to be
about anti americanism. i had a month to do it but I spent all that
time reading your site so I didnt have it ready. the night before it
was due i made this paper in about a half hour. I used your bit on
whales and credited you in my bibliography. the teacher said it was
the worst report he ever recieved in 17 years and gave me an f. he
read it to one of his classes but not mine because i was embarassed
and didnt want him to. but he did anyway on a day i was absent.
10 - The number of emails I received from people
who seriously thought I was going to title my book
"To Be Announced."
2 - The number of extra keys you'd have to type
so I won't disregard "ur" email.
Gay - My sexual preference according
to people who disagree with my opinions.
That's it for now. I'll post any other stats I can think of on this page,
but probably not. Here's to the next 100,000,000.
Subject: i used you in my school report and got an f
1,001,063 people have been coming to my site for years and still have no idea what the number at the beginning of this sentence means.
© 2005 by Maddox