Queen of the Damned is the worst movie ever made. EVER.
If you answered the above quiz, you're wrong. I'm not proud of it,
but I haven't seen a movie this poor since Red Planet, which is
saying a lot since I'd rather have my face bounced off of a telephone
pole than having to see that again. First of all, this is not
really a movie so much as a bullshit MTV propaganda machine.
I'm just going to come out and say it: I hate Vampire movies. All of
them. Short of making a movie about a vampire lawyer, or an emergency
room drama starring a vampire, every possible combination of vampire
and profession has been done. I don't know if any directors will ever
read this, but the whole techno neo-gothic dance club vampire thing has to
go. PLEASE. I know it's the hip thing to make your
character a vampire that goes to raver clubs, but it's not as cool
as it seems, trust me. Nobody wants to see some skinny, pale white kid
dancing to shitty techno in a "vampire club." Oooh, how original.
Even if it was original, which it's not, it's a shitty idea. That's what
this whole movie is about: lame dancing cyber techno vampires. Somebody
shoot me. Or better yet, shoot anyone who liked this movie.
This movie starts out with a vampire rising from his grave because he
hears his "kind of music." Apparently 16'th century feudal lords are into
shitty modern alternative trash. Within the first five minutes of the
movie, he joins a rock band and they literally play a music video during
the credits. At this point I was looking for a hot iron to gouge my
eyes out with. I don't know how they could have placed the music
videos into the movie more shamelessly. I can just imagine the producer
sitting around a table saying:
At one point in the movie the director gets all of his buddies on screen
as extras. One of the vampires had a huge gut and bologna tits. It
doesn't get any cooler than flabby vampires with saggy tits. Morons.
Long story short, the only reason I stayed until the end was
to see if
they made a dedication to Aaliyah in the movie, but then I realized that
it would have been more respectful if they just denied the movie ever
existed.
"Hmm... our record sales have been
down the last couple of months.. what can we do to boost our sales?
Can't we just use our media monopoly and make a movie about a Rock Star?"
"Sir, we already did that last month.. the movie was called Rock Star."
"I know! We'll make a movie about a VAMPIRE Rock Star!!!"
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