I saw a new brand of Doritos the other day called "EXTREME DORITOS." What the hell were they thinking? As if anyone eating "EXTREME DORITOS" isn't going to be some greasy fatass nerd with skid marks in his underwear, they market these chips using healthy athletic models that get laid all the time. The problem is that people who eat Doritos NEVER GET LAID.

It was bad enough that they tried to market "3D" Doritos with "the three-dimensional taste sensation that's making waves across the country," but now we have to put up with more in-your-face extreme DO-THE-DEW morons on TV who are trying to make a bag of smelly chips look cool by jumping off a cliff (not that I'm against people jumping off of cliffs, I'm all for it as long as their necks break). One of the main reasons I don't eat Doritos is because I like my corn chips bullshit free. They market these 3D chips as being new and intense.. as opposed to their regular 2D chips?

What they really need to start marketing is an "EXTREME SHUT THE HELL UP" brand of Doritos that contains the bubonic plague in every bag. That will solve two problems at once: 1. No more lame Doritos commercials and 2. No more child molesters since only child molesters eat Doritos anyway. Holy shit.. that's a good idea. I should be king.

241,407 people think I should be king.

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