This is This is Maddox card Card.

This is Maddox card. The only credit card created to bail out a tech company after a lackluster quarter of sales for its flagship phone.

When one company owns all your data, tracks your shopping, controls your communication and stores your pictures and memories, the next logical step is to take over your finances. It's a technological monopoly, or "techopoly." Write it down, dipshit.

Let's talk about fees:

There are no fees.

Zero. Nada. Zilch. No fees whatsoever. Except for the fee of having to buy a cell phone to use this credit card. Did we forget to mention that? Oops! This is the only credit card that you have to purchase a cell phone to use. Think we're kidding?

You have to put down a down-payment of approximately a grand to use this credit card. So that's an annual fee of $333 or more if you finance your phone for 3 years, plus interest:

  • $999 - iPhone XS
  • $899 - iPhone X
  • $749 - iPhone XR

  • Hey, speaking of interest, let's talk about that! Interest on this credit card is a whopping 13.24%-24.24% variable APR. No introductory APR and no sign-up rewards. That's one way we've reduced fees: when there are no sign-up rewards, there are no sign-up reward fees. How about them Apples?

    But this card does have rewards. How about 3%? Sure, it's roughly half of what the competition offers, but we give you discounts on products you have to purchase to use our financing. Sound like a shitty deal? You sound like a shitty deal. You're going to sign up for this card anyway because you're a gullible idiot who'll buy anything with a luxury logo on it.

    Don't forget to sign up on our mailing list to stay up-to-date on all the new products we'll be unveiling.

    Anyway, see you in a few years when we start making cars and take over your transportation too. So long, suckers!

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