The Best Page in the Universe:
100 million faces rocked

Alright assholes, I wasn't going to do anything special when the site received its 100 millionth visit, but you keep emailing me, so here's a brief history of my site and some stats just to remind you of what an awesome superhero I am:

August 12, 1997 - I posted the first article on my site: a simple disparagement of communists. I tried to get my site listed on Yahoo's search engine, but Yahoo had a policy that any site called "the best" of anything would automatically get rejected. I decided that Yahoo could munch on my taint, and I named my site "The Best Page in the Universe" anyway. Today my site comes up as the first result when you search Yahoo for "the best page in the universe, maddox, I hate old people" or "huge balls."

51 - The average number visitors my site received each day for the month of August in 2001.

148,618 - The number of visitors my site received on monday this week (March 14, 2005).

- The first image posted on my site. For all you deprived Brits out there, it's beef jerky.

85,478 - The number of unread emails I have in archive (post spam-filter). Earliest unread message is dated from September 14, 2003.

57 - The number of emails currently in my inbox with the phrase "eat shit" somewhere in the message body.

835.61 - Gigabytes of bandwidth used by my site last month.

$59.10 - The amount in donations I received last month.

989,148 - The number of people who have visited this page.

$0 - The amount of money I've spent on advertising.

Random insane subject line from my inbox: - Subject: I DROVE MY CAR INTO AN ORBITZ BUILDING TODAY

- The number of imitators on the web who think using the word "nigger" for every other word and making tsunami jokes makes them edgy.

One of my favorite emails:

Subject: i used you in my school report and got an f

hey I had to do a 6 page report for school that was supposed to be about anti americanism. i had a month to do it but I spent all that time reading your site so I didnt have it ready. the night before it was due i made this paper in about a half hour. I used your bit on whales and credited you in my bibliography. the teacher said it was the worst report he ever recieved in 17 years and gave me an f. he read it to one of his classes but not mine because i was embarassed and didnt want him to. but he did anyway on a day i was absent.

10 - The number of emails I received from people who seriously thought I was going to title my book "To Be Announced."

2 - The number of extra keys you'd have to type so I won't disregard "ur" email.

Gay - My sexual preference according to people who disagree with my opinions.

That's it for now. I'll post any other stats I can think of on this page, but probably not. Here's to the next 100,000,000.

989,148 people have been coming to my site for years and still have no idea what the number at the beginning of this sentence means.

maddox@xmission.com

Back to how much I rule...

© 2005 by Maddox