MAD MADDOX |
|
|
|
|
The RIAA rocks my face off 
In case you haven't heard of the RIAA, it's an ominous acronym that stands for "Record Industry Association of America." The organization is known to have pressed charges against pimply faced teens and college losers who download and swap music files illegally. I say it's about time someone is suing these jerks. Right now, some punk kid somewhere in America is having second thoughts about downloading songs off the Internet thanks in no small part to the good folks at the RIAA. Now Susy Rotten-Crotch might not be so quick to rip her latest pop garbage to share with her lemming-like materialistic friends. This fear of legal repercussions, however, is not enough. RIAA agents should be given high powered rifles so they can sit atop buildings and snipe women and children for minor traffic violations. You might be asking yourself "but Maddox, why didn't you mention men?" To which I'd answer "good question, numb nuts," and I'd point out that men aren't being sniped because they're the ones doing the sniping. Am I suggesting that the RIAA should discriminate hiring snipers based on sex? You bet. RIAA should start an all-out campaign to rid the world of women and children. How sweet would it be if you were walking through the park, holding hands with your haggardly girlfriend (or your friend's haggardly girlfriend if you don't mind sinning and being shoved off this mortal coil into the fiery depths of hell), when all of a sudden an RIAA agent splashes your woman in the eyes with acid? Give up? The answer is "very sweet." You could be sitting there, just minding your business when *WHAM*: RIAA is all up in your business like your boss during spank time at your cubicle. All joking aside though, I would never condone anyone throwing acid in your face. It's too slow. They should use napalm instead. In case you've never made napalm, it's awesome because it sticks to everything it burns. Not that I've made some, but if I had, I would probably know that the fumes are good to avoid. Man, I can't believe how awesome napalm is:
 If I were ruler of the Universe, I would totally build a death car like in "Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome," and I'd get Tina Turner to man my napalm cannon as I drove through villages burning farms and farmers until they were BURNED TO DEATH. Holy cow, that's such an awesome idea I think I'll make a movie. I'm going to call it "The Best Movie in the Universe," and it's going to be all about how much I rule at burning villagers. In conclusion, I think the RIAA is a fair and reputable organization, and I would encourage you to donate to the music industry to help fight music pirating. Thank you. Maddox |
|